I love you Lord

Over Christmas break, I started a google excel "Internships". I slowly added in companies I wanted to work for and kept track of my contact with them. In order to receive my diploma, I had to complete a summer internship that pertained to my major. Having such a strong commitment to sustainability I knew I couldn't intern for a company that didn't have that value. This cut out many of the connections my school and professors had. So I set off on my own doing my research and reaching out to around 80 companies. Because of Covid, many companies were reluctant to bring on new interns. Companies like Patagonia, Girlfriend collective and Cotopaxi were obvious dream jobs, but I never heard back from them.

Of course, I was stressed about finding an internship during a pandemic while finishing up school and working two jobs. I had applied to a worship school and was feeling confident about my fall plans but very unsure of the summer. Henry mentioned a company in Leadville, Colorado he loved. They made outdoor gear, mostly a microgrid hoodie that had a cult following. Not only did they make every garment in their retail location in Leadville, but you also had to travel to the store to buy one, they didn't do anything online. I was intrigued but their website had no information about internships so it felt like another dead end.

In January I went to Colorado to snowboard with my family and Henry pushed it again. "just try! Tell them you're in the area and can come in and talk in person." Knowing their model of valuing in-person contact he knew they would probably respond to that. I finally heard back from a man named Fritz. He said they didn't do much marketing, but I was welcome to come in that day or the next. I picked the next day then quickly did my research. I realized after digging for a while, I was emailing the founder and owner of the company... I printed off my resume, practiced my interview skills, put on a waffle knit and boots, and was on my way.

Henry came with me for moral support and we made the 2 hour trip from winter park to Leadville. The mountains were especially beautiful like they were just taunting me to dream about living here. I was nervous for the interview but knew the area was such a casual culture that I wouldn't have to worry too much about formality.

I walked into a building filled with boxes and 30 sewing machines whirring away. A dog ran up to greet me at the door and I was instantly relaxed. Fritz and I chatted about my school and love of hemp. We talked about the summer and what I was looking for. He gave me a tour, showing me the cutting and sewing rooms and introducing me to people along the way. I could tell the employees loved being there and really liked their boss. By the end, he said, "alright I'll see you this summer". I couldn't believe it. I jumped into the car with Henry and told him the good news.

After snowboarding my heart out, I went back to Manhattan to the reality of finishing out school. It was now February and I had an internship but absolutely nowhere to live. I had looked on Facebook and Craigslist to no avail. I was considering renting someone's van from Nebraska and driving it out to live in for the summer. There were absolutely no options in Leadville, population 3000. I was connected with someone who lived there and had an extra room, however, after bad vibes, I blocked him and was back to square one. I was in prayer about it of course and really tried to shift to expectant prayer rather than panic prayer.

My last semester was filled with making new friends at a church I finally committed to. A beautiful human name Aja, a young mom at my church, brought me under her wing and I am forever grateful and cherish our nap time chats. I spent time with my brother Henry, laughing, crying, and singing, always singing, and sometimes if we got lucky, dancing in the rain.

I finally reached out to the one church that I had found in Leadville to ask them to send out an email stating I was looking for housing. The pastor was very gracious and agreed. After a few weeks, a woman named Renia reached out and said she, her husband, and boys had an open room and would love to talk about the possibility of me living with them. I went back out to snowboard in February and met the family as well as visited the church. It all felt so right and my parents were stoked to be able to meet the family. The church really is a family, they will take you in with very few questions asked, share their life with you and push you along the way all the while cheering you on.

I had everything settled for the summer, took a deep breath, and focused on finishing college, moving home, then packing up for the mountains. I arrived in Leadville and was welcomed with open arms at my job, my church, and my home. I instantly got connected to the worship leader, Rob and we were instant soulmates. We lead worship most Sundays and our practice sessions were the joy of my weeks. The last month of my internship we started to write a song. He played a chorus he had written a few years ago. As he was tinkering around with verse music, I took pen to paper and start to write verses.

At this time I was really determined to stay in the mountains. I absolutely loved it there and was desperately trying to find long-term housing as well as had a meeting set up with Mealanzana about my future.

We wrote the song in a night and couldn't wait to share it with the congregation. We weren't on for a few Sundays so we shared it with people in the town anyway. The pastor's father had been praying for years that a new song would come out of Leadville, I was astounded God would consider using me to help spur that along.

My plans to stay in Leadville were starting to fall apart. I couldn't find housing anywhere and it looked like my potential roommate was being led back to Wichita. I had a meeting with Melanzana and they really didn't have a position for me. I was exhausted with retail and knew I wouldn't be happy doing that long-term. The same week my older brother Graham called me about moving to DC to help nanny his kids. I was very uninterested in leaving the peaceful mountains for a thriving metropolis so I instantly said no.

Of course, I was praying through the decision and direction of my life. Through prayer and counsel, it looked like I should think more about moving to DC. I thought about the fact that my nephews were 4 and 7 and would never be these ages again. How I will never be less tied down than I am right now and really wouldn't be able to take him up on this opportunity again. I thought about how Graham had left for college when I was 5 and I had never really lived with him. So I started to really think about DC, thought about it so hard that I got sick and had to stay home from work.

The doors were closing in Leadville and opening up in DC, so I decided to jump. I had a week until my internship was over, and my nephew's school started and they needed me out there. I packed up my things, said goodbye to my mountain people, the family that had welcomed me in, the church that had provided me a foundation and a home, a job I had loved, and a boy I had started talking to. I made the 28-hour trip out to DC and started over.

But, the morning I left Leadville, car packed and tears in my eyes, Rob and I played our song for the church. It's a song for Leadville, a song about God working through Leadville and ministering to the people who pass through, a song about God's faithfulness in my life and his story written in me during my time there. These are the lyrics

I love you Lord

Paintbrush in the fields

Stillness of the lake

Here you are in all of it

May this be a haven for the passers by

Smoke hazy mountains

The orange colored skies

Here you are in all of it

May this house of praise shine your light

I love you Lord

With a dark and haunting past

This city needed your cleansing

But there you were in all of it

May your sacrificial blood create new life

You provided a place of work

a home and a bed

here you are in all of it

I am your servant lord have your way in this city

I love you Lord

We love you Lord

Throughout all of my life, no matter the highs or lows, I have always known that God was there. He is moving sometimes quietly and slowly, other times like a force of wind in the prairie. While we were writing the song I learned that the bed I had been sleeping on was actually given to Renia's family by Rob and his wife, and the bed frame was the pastor's family. This community had come together without even knowing me to provide a place for me to lay my head. The last verse was agonizing to get through and I had no idea when I wrote the line " I am your servant Lord have your way in this city" that I would be leaving the day I finally sang it.

Here I am in DC, after two and a half months and I am so glad I made the decision. The time with my nephews has been priceless and the late-night chats with my brother are something I wouldn't get unless I live here. I'll find my way back to the mountains at some point.

I love you Lord

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